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Old 11-01-2006, 06:52 AM   #1
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The Few, the Proud…

…the noted for being scary at long distances!
Former Marine Sniper Slapped with
3,000-Yard Restraining Order
Citing Emily Holman's right to feel safe traversing vast open spaces, especially when within visual range of clock towers, parking structures, and tall buildings, a Macon, Georgia judge awarded the 28-year-old a 3,000-yard restraining order yesterday against her former boyfriend, retired Marine sniper Gordon Lee Blackwood. "When we broke up he started calling me 10 times a day from his job," said Holman, who realized Blackwood's office building, which had an open, flat roof, was only 1,800 yards away.
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Old 11-01-2006, 08:42 AM   #2
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Blackwood would not comment on the judge's decision, saying only that he still loved Holman and was trying to understand the distance and crosswinds that separated them.
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Old 11-01-2006, 08:51 AM   #3
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This basically means this guy can no longer go to work, doesn't it?
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Old 11-01-2006, 08:58 AM   #4
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I hereby award ArmyCPT the first-ever TGZ Forum "Meritorius Use of an Emoticon" Commendation… and you know that this will be an infrequent, if not downright sparsely granted citation!

O, Chubs, where have we failed you?
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Old 11-01-2006, 09:18 AM   #5
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basically going to work = ballistically going to work...
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Old 11-01-2006, 09:30 AM   #6
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It never fails to amaze me that these featherheads think that a piece of paper that says RESTRAINING ORDER across the top of it actually has the power to accomplish (or prevent) anything.

Last year somewhere in the greater Babylon-on-the-Potomac area, an evil lunatic walked into a public place, doused his ex-squeeze with gasoline, and set her on fire. (She survived to testify against him.) Did the media condemn the banana boat? Did the media bemoan the area's non-CCW laws, which ensured that there would be no one present to perhaps shut him down on the scene? No, those responses would make too much sense. The media went after the JUDGE who had either lifted or failed to grant a RO against him (I forget which was the case). As if a restraining order would have any meaning whatsoever to a monster who was capable of setting another human being on fire, in public, in cold blood.
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Old 11-01-2006, 10:42 AM   #7
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Uh guys, did anyone notice that the source is The Onion, a spoof news site? My favorite from the past month is: "Hero Dog Fills Out Hospital Paperwork."

October 20, 2006 | Issue 42•43

BRACKNEY, PA—Ginger, a four-year-old golden retriever, saved the life of her owner Megan Walsh, 37, Monday by quickly and efficiently filling out Walsh’s copious emergency-room paperwork. “Without Ginger’s knowledge of my sister’s medical history, which includes multiple food allergies and penicillin intolerance, who knows what could have happened in there,”...
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Old 11-01-2006, 10:50 AM   #8
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Dan'l, ya ol' spoilsport!

They are often brilliant spoofs, and both Rob Firriolo (who found this one) and Jeff Snyder are regular readers!
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Old 11-01-2006, 01:12 PM   #9
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I thought it best to keep any absurd [s]latin[/s] Latin references to myself this time.
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Old 11-01-2006, 01:43 PM   #10
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Guess that's what I get for not reading the source.

Have to fix that.
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Old 11-01-2006, 04:56 PM   #11
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